


it all comes round again

by canadianshipper



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-08 14:55:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18625543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canadianshipper/pseuds/canadianshipper
Summary: Kissing Levi was always amazing. But kissing Levi after you thought you’d never kiss him again? Fucking unbelievable.[set after 15x22]





	it all comes round again

**Author's Note:**

> I know everyone is writing a fic about what happens after the fight, and I wanted to join in too! I know it isn't the most original idea, but I was inspired. xx [title based off of the song Meet on the Ledge by Greta Van Fleet]. I also loved Owens therapy scene in the last ep, and I wanted my baby boy Nico to have that as well   
> (also the sexual content isnt a big part of the story, so if it's not good I apologize, I dont write smut often)

stupid. 

so stupid. 

Nico kicked at the stones underneath his feet, watching them skid on the pavement and land in a small puddle forming from the falling rain. It wasn’t bad enough to soak Nico completely, but still enough that he regretted not wearing a coat that morning. The shoulders of his suit jacket and his hair took the brunt of the water. His hands were shoved into his pocket, fingers fidgeting with the car keys inside. His dead phone was in his back pocket, he hadn’t bothered charging it up before leaving the hospital. He already knew it would either be completely empty of texts, or full of heartbroken, angry texts from Levi. 

He didn’t know which was worse. 

As he finally got to his car, the rain started picking up more. He sighed, fishing his keys out his pocket but fumbling them. He watched as the keys slipped out of his fingers and fell under his car. He cursed under his breath and kneeled on the wet pavement. Getting mud on his dress pants was the cherry on top of an already shitty day. Unfortunately, the keys were farther than he thought, as when he reached underneath, he couldn’t feel anything. 

“Need help?” Nico slid out from underneath his car and looked up to see the familiar face of Maggie Pierce, who just hours ago, had chewed him out in the OR for being an idiot. Beside her was Jackson Avery, who was holding an umbrella above he and Maggie to prevent the rain drenching them. Smart. Smarter than Nico, that’s for sure. Maggie pulled out her phone and turned the flash on. “Here. I’ve dropped my keys plenty of times.” 

Nico took the phone and gave her a sad smile. He muttered a thank you and flashed the light under the car. Finally, he spotted the keys, grabbed them and handed the phone back to Maggie. “Life saver.” Nico turned back to his car to unlock it but Maggie put her hand on his shoulder. 

“I’ve dropped my keys plenty of times.” She reiterated, confusing both Jackson and Nico. “It sucks and it’s difficult, and sometimes you lash out about losing your… keys.. But it happens. Sometimes it's an accident, and sometimes it was inevitable but it doesn’t make it any easier.” Realizing what she meant, Nico slowly nodded. A smirk creeped up on Jackson's face. “Bailey was right earlier. You need to take this loss and let it teach you a lesson. Then, when you lose your keys next time, you’ll have made sure you did everything you possibly could to prevent it from happening.” 

It was dumb. A dumb sentiment, but quite charming. And that’s what usually happened when people talked to Dr Pierce. She’d have a dumb analogy, but it worked wonders. And it made Nico choke up. He forced the feelings away, thanked Maggie, and watched both doctors walk away. Nico unlocked his car door and finally sat down. Sighing out the stress of the day. The rain fell onto his windshield, and the wind picked up more, intensifying the storm. He thought about going back inside the building. Sleeping in an on call room. Or even sleeping in his back seat. Anything to prevent him from going home to an empty apartment. He knew damn well Levi wouldn’t be there. And even if he was there, it was very unlikely that they’d speak.

Nico screwed up. He knew that as soon as Levi slammed the door shut. To make matters worse, Nico was distracted during his whole interview, and the interviewer could definitely tell. It was terrible. Not that he was blaming Levi, not at all. What happened today was 100% Nico’s fault, not Levi’s. 

Screw it, he had to face this eventually. Nico started up the car, the stereo played music softly. It was from a CD that Levi had made for him. Contrary to popular belief, Nico wasn’t very materialistic, which meant he still owned a pretty old car. His father was a big believer in saving your money, so when Nico turned 18 and graduated high school, he was gifted the family car. He’d kept it since, and was able to keep it running. Although, Levi kept trying to convince Nico to live a little and finally splurge on a new car. Due to the fact that this car was more than 10 years old, it didn’t have a bluetooth speaker or an AUX cord plug in, which meant that he either had to listen to the radio, or a CD. 

One date night, Levi gave Nico a CD titled “because the radio is shit these days”, which contained a bunch of their favorite songs to jam out to as a couple. Most of the songs were older, but there were some new ones sprinkled in. The one, in particular, that was playing right now, was Nico’s favorite one. Nico was a big fan of old rock music, but Levi didn’t understand the appeal. Smooth rock played through the speakers, Nico turned up to volume and closed his eyes.

_ now i see, i’m all alone, that’s the only way to be, you’ll have your chance again, then you can do the work for me // _

When he opened his eyes again, he realized that tears were welling up. He tried not letting it get to far, as he didn’t want to drive home with tears streaming down his cheeks. Didn't want to be a puffy mess of red cheeks and tear stains, just in case Levi is at his apartment. He didn’t want Levi to know he’d been crying, because he was the one who screwed up. He didn’t deserve the sadness. Levi did. Levi deserved to feel as sad as he wanted, as angry and as hurt as he wanted. Because Nico was the one who betrayed him. Called him a failure. Yelled at him. 

The drive home wasn’t easy. In between bouts of crying and navigating through the storm, Nico felt pretty exhausted by the time he parked outside. He made his way into the building, not wanting to walk up all the stairs, so he opted for the elevator. After what felt like hours of being in the elevator, the slight shaking of it making him nauseous, he reached his floor and dragged himself down the hallway to his room. He fumbled with his keys and unlocked the door. 

The sound of the TV echoed throughout the apartment. Levi was there, slumped over on the couch, fast asleep. Nico kicked off his shoes and removed his wet jacket. He hung it on the coat rack, making a mental note to send it to the dry cleaners in the morning. As he got closer to his sleeping boyfriend, Nico noticed a bouquet of flowers sitting on the coffee table. Levi was wrapped up in a small blanket and his glasses were falling off his face. He never wore his contacts outside of work, it was too much of a hassle. Nico let himself smile for a second before switching off the TV. 

He heard the sound of ruffling from behind him and didn’t need to turn around to realize Levi was waking up. Of course, he did turn around. Levi was staring right at him, yawning and stretching as he stood up from the couch. “I, uh.. I tried waiting up for you.” Levi spoke in a quiet voice, partly from exhaustion, mostly from fear. Not a fear of Nico, but a fear of fighting. A fear that if he got too loud, he’d get sad and choke up, and he didn’t want to do that. Not now. 

Nico flicked on the tableside lamp and sat on the coffee table in front of Levi. “You didn’t need to do that.” He spoke in a quiet tone, matching Levi’s. He looked at the flowers and picked them up, sniffing them. “Flowers, huh?” 

Levi nodded and rubbed at his eyes, fixing his glasses and sitting up to sit cross legged. The blanket covered his lower half, and he wore one of Nico’s heavy sweaters to keep him warm. “Yeah. They’re for you.” 

He could cry, he really could. Of course Levi got him flowers. His boyfriend was the sweetest person in the world. It shouldn’t surprise him that Levi would go out of his way to make sure Nico was okay. It was so sweet, and Nico wanted to crawl out of his out skin from how uncomfortable it made him. He didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve Levi, especially not after what he said today. He called him a failure, and gets flowers for it? It feels wrong. It feels so wrong that Nico could cry. 

And that’s what he did. A sob broke through Nico’s throat and he found himself hugging himself. He gripped himself tightly, it was a tactic he used to protect himself, he blocked himself off from the world and judgement by holding himself. He wanted to hide from Levi, he didn’t want to be crying right now. He hated himself. 

He wanted to run. Pack his bags, get on a plane and leave. Didn’t want to look back. But before he could even get a headstart, Levi’s arms wrapped around him in a tender embrace. Nico shook, trying to free himself from Levi’s hold, but the shorter man was stronger than he looked. He sat himself on Nico’s lap, wrapped his arms around him, and ran has hands up and down Nico’s back. He was sure Levi was whispering something to him, probably something soothing or comforting. But all he could hear was a ringing in his ears. He was sure he was going to pass out. If he opened his eyes, he knew the room would be spinning. 

That’s when Levi grabbed Nico’s face and pressed a kiss firmly on his lips. Everything stopped for a moment. Nico stilled. And for a moment, it was like they were the only two people in the world. Kissing Levi was always amazing. But kissing Levi after you thought you’d never kiss him again? Fucking unbelievable. 

Nico grabbed onto Levi’s waist, finally able to place himself in the world again. He pushed Levi back onto the couch and hovered above him. The two quickly stripped each other of clothing. With soft pants and whispered moans, Nico soon found himself thrusting inside of Levi. It wasn’t loud or dirty like usual. It was quiet, but intense, Levi grabbing onto Nico’s back, so tightly he was afraid he’d leave marks. Nico would grunt every now and again, but both of them were fairly quiet the whole time. 

Levi reached down to stroke himself, biting his lower lip and tightly closing his eyes. Nico started thrusting faster and harder, hearing little gasps come from below. Levi reached up and wrapped his arm around Nico’s neck, pulling him closer to kiss him. Nico was getting close. Levi pressed his lips to Nico’s ear and whispered. “I love you so much.” 

Oh God dammit. 

Nico groaned and stilled, deep inside of Levi, thrusting directly onto the spot that drove him nuts. Levi moaned into Nico’s ear, as they both finished one after the other. Nico pulled himself out of Levi, unphased by the fact that he forgot to wear a condom. This wasn’t the first time they’d had unprotected sex. They trusted each other. 

Levi breathed heavily, chest rising up and down. He laughed softly, but it quickly faded. Nico sat back on the couch, not bothering to put his clothing back on. “Lay with me.” Nico whispered. Levi grabbed a couple of tissues, wiping himself clean, before he laid in between Nico’s legs. Maybe they’d be okay. Maybe the day wasn’t a complete bust. Maybe they wouldn’t need to talk about the horrible way Nico treated Levi. 

But they did. Because Nico could hear the younger man crying, and could feel his body shaking on top of him. It was Nico’s turn to comfort Levi. Nico ran his hand through Levi’s hair and let him cry it out. He was hurt today and if he needed to cry, Nico was going to let him. After a while, Levi was able to compose himself for long enough to ask, in a deadly quiet tone. “Do you really think I’m a failure?” 

“No!” Nico pulled them both up so that they were seated, across from each other. Levi was crying again. “Baby, no. I- I was mad, and I wasn’t thinking and..” Nico pushed his face into his hands for a quick second to ground himself before taking Levi’s hands. “There’s no excuse. Literally nothing can excuse how I treated you today, but.. Levi.. You’re not a failure.”

Levi looked at him with wide eyes, full of tears. He looked so small. So fragile. The same way he looked before they got together. So innocent and unsure. He hated being the one to bring Levi back to such a state. Such a place of self deprecation and hate. “But I have failed. I’ve failed at stuff, and- I’ve worked so hard to think it’s okay to fail.. And you- you’ve been the one helping me this whole time. You’ve built up my confidence and..” Levi let out a sob. “And you just tore it all down with a few words. I’m a failure.” He shrugged his shoulders in defeat. “I’m a fucking failure.” 

“You’re not.. Oh my God, Levi, you’re not a failure. Believe me.” 

“How do you know that?” Levi choked out, quiet. 

“Because there’s room for only one failure in this relationship, and it’s not you. I killed a guy today, after I was so cocky about it, too.” Nico got up from the couch, pulling his boxers back on. “Just because I made it look easy, doesn’t mean it was.” He mocked himself from earlier that day. “Bailey told the grandfather that Josh was in good hands. And then I killed him! If anyone's a failure, it's me. I mean.. For fucks sake, you gave blood in the middle of surgery. You saved Owen Hunt. You have incredible bedside manner, and you’re obviously the chiefs favorite. You’re not a failure.” 

Levi pulled his own boxers up as well before standing up, exhausted. He put his glasses back on and stood in front of Nico. “I’ve also let my glasses fall into a patient. I passed out at the Karev wedding and destroyed the cake. I’ve dropped medical equipment on the floor countless times.” He reached over and took Nico’s hand. “I made my peace with it. With all my failures. Because I thought, hey, why not take this as an opportunity to improve and impress everyone.” He wiped away all his tears and stepped closer to Nico. “You wanna know why I got you those flowers?” 

Nico cocked his head to the side, waiting for an answer. “Because I knew you didn’t mean what you said. And I knew that everything you were saying to me wasn’t as bad as what you were saying to yourself. Because something's going on with you. And I don’t think it was because you had a bad day today. You’ve always been closed off. Hell, this was the first time I’ve ever seen you cry like that. I don’t know what it is, and I don’t want to make any assumptions about you. But I don’t like that when I tried comforting you.. You pushed me away. You said things to deliberately hurt me. I forgive you, Nico, but I can’t do this every time. Every time you screw up, because you’re not perfect,every time something bad happens.. No lashing out at me. Because the next time you do, I’m not gonna take it.” 

Once the words left his mouth, Levi found himself being wrapped up in Nico’s arms. They hugged each other tightly, a huge sigh of relief leaving both of them. They were okay. They went to bed after that, nothing else was said. They slept in late the next morning, Levi called in sick, and Nico already had the day off. Nico woke up before Levi. He stared at him for a few minutes, taking in every detail of his face. Not fully convinced that he’d still see him again. He lost himself in Levi’s face, the faint blush that usually covered his cheeks, the wrinkles near his eyes, the mess of his hair laying around his head. 

If not for the message alert from his phone, Nico would’ve dozed off again, just from staring at Levi. He reached over and grabbed his phone, a preview email appearing on his lockscreen. He unlocked his phone and saw that it was from the interviewing committee for the hospital he interviewed with last night. 

_ “Dr. Nico Kim,  _

_ Thank you for your interest in coming aboard our team as the new specialist in Orthopedic surgery. We have gone over the interview and your resume, along with your application. Unfortunately, due to the amount of serious inquiries for the position, we are unable to offer you the job at this time. We are very impressed with the work that you have done, and want to congratulate you on your latest surgery, however, we did not feel you had the level of commitment for this job as other applicants. If you become more serious in pursuing orthopedic surgery in San Francisco, and would like to apply in a year, we would love to try this again. Listed below are a number of resources-" _

Nico turned his phone off and slammed it on the bedside table beside them. It was obviously too loud as Levi started stirring beside him, grabbing onto Nico’s arm. Nico turned to Levi and sighed. “Sorry for waking you up.” He muttered. “I.. uh.. Sorry.” 

“What time is it?” Levi asked, rubbing his eyes and sitting up. 

“Almost eleven.” 

Levi nodded and looked at Nico’s face, noticing the disappointment in his expression as well as his tone of voice. He grabbed Nico’s hand and lifted it up to his lips, kissing the knuckles softly. “Tell me what’s wrong.” 

He opened his mouth to fight it, but Nico remembered what was said last night. Honesty and openness. He grabbed his phone and opened the email again. He handed it to Levi and shrugged his shoulders. “I didn’t get the job. They said I wasn’t serious enough.” 

After reading the full email through, Levi set the phone down and sighed. “I’m sorry, but you know what? It’s their loss.” He put his head on Nico’s chest and kissed his cheek. “What are you thinking right now?” He said quietly, running his hand up and down Nico’s torso.

Hesitantly, Nico began talking. “My parents.” Levi just stared at Nico, letting him know he could continue talking. “God, okay.. I don’t mean to be the stereotypical Asian kid, but.. Failing wasn’t allowed in my house, growing up. There was so much pressure to be perfect, to be completely and utterly.. Amazing. I think that’s why I was so scared to come out, because I felt like I was failing. Like I was doing the completely opposite of what they wanted.” He felt Levi’s hand stop, his whole body curling up closer to Nico. “I remember in High School, I had to have an art credit in order to graduate.. So I took music. I sucked at it, no matter how much I tried, I just couldn’t get it. I can’t hold a tune to save my life. So, when exams happened, and I did poorly, wanna guess what happened?” 

“You failed?” Levi guessed. 

“No. I got a C. But my parents were so intense that they completely freaked out on me. I didn’t even fail, but to them, I basically did. Ever since then, I’ve been trying to prove myself and them wrong. I wasn’t going to fail, ever again. And I almost had it. Until now, and after Josh died.. Everything came down with it. My reputation to the chief, to Link, my relationship, my career. I would never hate you if you did something wrong, ever, because I know that it’s okay to fail. So when other people screw up, I don't make fun of them, or punish them. But when I fail, it’s like all of that is tossed out the window.” Nico’s voice started to waver. "I love you. I'm sorry for making you feel like a failure." For the 3rd time in the span of 24 hours, he found himself crying once more. "I'm so sorry." 

Levi hugged him. This time, letting him cry it out. 

Because he needed it. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I know the ending is a bit ambiguous and abrupt, but that's how it be sometimes, sometimes you don't need somebody to say words to comfort you  
> thank you for reading! kudos and comments are always appreciated xx  
> check out my tumblr, say hi! the-mostfabulous-damnthing!


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